jokes frm HB webbie again!!
XDD



Every year this comes along & every year you have to laugh....

GCSE Exams

The following questions and answers were collected from GCSE exams, and are
some of the answers given by British students writing their secondary four
(Year 11) GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine responses!! (16 year olds
are stupid - but we love'em. They cheer up a teacher's day no end)

Geography

Q. Name the four seasons?
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q Explain the processes by which water can be made safe to drink?
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What is a planet?
A. A body of earth surrounded by sky

Q. What causes the tides in the ocean?
A. The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to
flow towards the Moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Sociology

What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

In a democratic society, how important are elections?
Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

What are steroids?
Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology

What happens to your body when you age?
When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
Premature death.

What is artificial insemination?
When the farmer does it to the bull i! nstead of the cow.


How can you delay milk turning sour?
Keep it in the cow (He got an A)

How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax, the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowls, A,E,I,O
and U.

What is the Fibula?
A small lie

What does "varicose" mean?
Nearby

What is the most common form of birth control?
Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"?
The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

What is a seizure?
A Roman emperor

What is a terminal illness?
When you are sick at the airport

Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.

English

Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (For overseas readers this
refers to an advert for Fairy Liquid washing up soap - the strap line goes
'hands that do dishes can be soft as your face')

What does the word "benign" mean?
Benign is what you will be after you be eight.




















Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker centre. Ah Seng
> > > > noticed the hygiene grades issued by the Ministry of
> > > > Health pasted at each stall and asked Ah Beng, "Eh,
> > > > the 'A', 'B', 'C' and 'D' stand for what ah?" Ah
> > > > Beng
> > > > snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you
> > > > also
> > > > dunno! 'D' stand for 'delicious', 'C' stand for 'can
> > > > eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai' (cannot) and 'A'
> > > > stand
> > > > for 'Alamak'!"





















hahas[:




















A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity.
The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn't even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on.

The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn't want that room, and they moved on.

The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The only thing was that they were standing around in about two feet of poop. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right.

The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!"























(:


























a 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see a psychiatrist.

"Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must call him *******. I feel
that he's gone too far, and he deserves it."

"Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you have your own reasons.
Tell me about it so that I can help you."

"Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we parked our car besides
the beach and we were alone... and... he held my hand..."

"Did he hold your hand like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now"

"If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called *******. It means he
doesn't want to be separated from you."

"Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged me..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing."

"It's not a *******. It means he wanna stay forever by your side"

"Then he kissed me..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me."

"If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't call him *******. It
means he adores you."

"Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched my boobs,
Doc..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor... exactly like that"

"It's not behavior of a *******. It means he wants to protect you."

"Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... "

"Did you resist?"

"No. I let him do it, coz I love him..."

"Did he take off your clothes like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like now......"

"He still doesn't deserve to be called "*******, because it means he wanna
learn about your body completely."

"Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had sex with me..."

"Did he do it just like what we do?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same"

"You still can't call him *******. It means he needs you."

"But then he told me that he has AIDS"

All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor screaming....



Bastaaaaaaaaaard !!

























XDD




















There once was a very good old barber in New York.

One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:

"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut.

But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

A Singaporean goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The Singaporean is very happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there?
Can you guess?


Got it?


Come on, think like a Singaporean....


Have you got the answer?


















A VERY LONG Q.........

















HAHAHAHA






















Bob, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He
sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 PM news was coming on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large
Building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the
ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob,
saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the
5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."















oh man!
hahaha!!